The Great Pants Conspiracy

I know I’ve posted on this blog before about clothes. It appears I have more to say. 

Namely: 

The Great Pants Conspiracy 

(echo, echo, echo)

When I buy clothes I have two criteria: 

-       I want to look nice

-       I want to not be in pain

Men, I have realized, are never in pain because of their clothing. Granted, some items are undoubtedly less comfortable that others (tight collars and ties, new business shoes, etc.). 

Movie star loosens tie

However…

As yet another perk of having a penis, male privilege ensures that men can expect that the clothes they buy won’t cause them pain or discomfort. 

No caption needed, girl.

Men’s casual clothes never cause pain. Ever. Their movement is not restricted by what they wear, even when their clothes are stylish. 

 Handsome man in stylish clothing jumps for joy

On the other hand…

I repeatedly find that my clothes cause me discomfort and on occasion, pain. 

Case in point:

 Sitting in fitted jeans is difficult

 Wearing a bra is painful

Most women's shoes pinch - heels or flats

If you are a man, turn to the nearest woman and ask her: 

 In our little, unscientific survey, I bet you'll find the majority of women answer something like this:

"Yes, but that's the cost of beauty."

It's better to look good than to feel good, dah-ling. 

Lately, I've been asking why that should be. 

Why? Why is it so painful to dress in feminine manner? 

I love to play with feminine and masculine elements of clothing and style.

Tomboy clothing for women

I wish that men were as socially free as women to experiment with masculine/feminine elements of fashion. 

Yet, with my curves, I prefer pants that are fitted and defined.  It's what I like to wear.

All that to say, I believe in a 

VAST, MALICIOUS, PANTS CONSPIRACY. 

I've recently lost about 12 pounds, causing me to need new pants. 

Oh no. Pants shopping.  

At 5'7" weighing between 145 and 150 pounds, I wear either a size 10 or 12 at stores like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Gap, Express, Old Navy, etc. .

Every pair of pants I try on might fit perfectly when I'm standing but causes me pain in my lower back, pinches my stomach and restricts movement in my legs when I sit.

Unacceptable.

The next sizes up (14-16) are far to large on me, look saggy and unprofessional.

This is not a new problem. I've had problems with my pants for years.

Some silly people may say that perhaps if I changed my body, the pants would feel better.

(I metaphorically pat these people on the head, sympathetically.)

Silly, silly people. The shape of my belly has always been this way.

When I was 7 and sassy:

 Adorable girl flaunts belly, personality for camera

When I was 20 years old, 5'7" and 120 pounds:

 My roommate (pictured) convinced me to buy this pink skirt

And now. The shape of my belly is the same in proportion to my healthy, adult size.

But behold! 

I HAVE FOUND THE SOLUTION!

Can you guess what it is?!?

 Keepin' it casual in Pain-Free Jeans

My dog Sally helps me model pain-free professional pants

Cris-Cross Apple Sauce in Fitted Jeans with NO PAIN

The Solution? 

Maternity pants. 

Nope. Not kidding. 

Maternity pants fit my shape. 

It's a bit shameful that the clothing industry considers my lovely, healthy, very common body shape to be a "maternity" shape. I understand that mainstream clothes are not custom made to each individual, so no clothing line will exactly fit all shapes and sizes. 

But what does it say about our culture that women's clothing (even causal clothing) is often restrictive, uncomfortable or painful?

How often have I been distracted in professional or social situations by discomfort, pain or my inability to move in a certain way?

To phrase it another way:

Your thoughts?