Out of My Head

The next nine months are going to be nuts.

I'm talking To-Do Lists that go on for pages and juggling multiple projects and timelines.

The path to graduation is paved in pink marker

It's organizational heaven.

I love lists and charts and making plans. They provide me with the illusion of control over my life. Once I get an idea "out of my head" and onto paper, it no longer has the power to cause me anxiety.

 

To do lists for projects and classes 

I worry that while I'm so busy, I won't have time for the things that are essential in my life:

• Taking care of myself. I can't accomplish my goals if I get sick from lack of sleep. Stress relieving practices will get me through all this and allow me to be a patient and kind human. This includes doing art, spending time in silence and having the occasional "girls day" with my people. 
• Spending time with my boys. I love my husband and son. And I spending quality time with them is an essential to who I am. Besides, I need to defend my title as house champion of various board and video games. 
• Spending time with my clan. I don't want friends and family to forget my name while I finish school. "What's your name again?" is not a phrase I want to hear from my parents on Thanksgiving. 

In order to accomplish this, I've devised MAGICAL LISTS to help me prioritize my time. 

Since cooking is my contribution to our household chores, I am making a menu for the next SIX MONTHS of dinners and lunches. I'm even including grocery lists and instructions for my sous chefs (husband and son). It's going to be epic.

Beef! It's what's for dinner in 3 weeks.

Also, worrying about what to wear to work and school is NOT something I want to waist time on in the coming months. I've already discussed how I feel about time spent worrying over clothing options in women vs. men. 

So I'm making a clothes calendar.

Putting together a clothes calendar

I've started putting together all of the combinations of professional clothes that I own. Once I've got an outfit completely arranged (shoes, jewelry, etc.), I take a photo. At the beginning of each month, I'll put together a calendar of all the outfits I'll wear. 

The idea is that all the decision making will be done ahead of time and I can spend more time on a day-to-day basis defeating my son at dominos and losing to him at video games.

I feel like the more tasks I get "out of my head" and on a list, the more room I'll have for what I really care about.

Where I Work VS. What I Do

I have a pretty sweet home office

For the past several months, I have been doing contract work from home. 

It took a little while to get into a rhythm of working at my own pace and on my own schedule. 

My unsolicited advice for staying focused. 

1. Take a shower when you wake up. This is another way of saying "don't work in your pajamas".
2. Dress like you'll be in public. (Don't just throw on sweat pants. Wear something that you wouldn't be embarrassed being seen in while depositing a check at the bank.)
3. Never turn on the television. Not during your lunch break. Not at all. You will get sucked in. 
4. Don't leave a "Facebook Tab" open on you internet browser. You don't need real time updates on your great aunt's cat's health issues while you're trying to accomplish great things. 
5. Leave the house at least once during the day.
6. Try to see and/or talk to other humans. Short small talk with the mailman can make hours of isolated work go by faster. 

I especially love working from home while my husband is also working from home. During breaks in conference calls and focused effort, I have someone to bounce ideas off of who also makes me laugh and reminds me of my priorities. 

But in this next phase, I am applying for "REAL JOBS" that require dedicated time in the office. 

I'm not sure if this is reflective of my generation or of my life stage, but I am a bit fearful of being a cog in a machine. I'm weary of managers who are more concerned with the number of hours I sit at a desk than the quality and quantity of what I produce. 

I've had relatively bohemian work for most of my career. While I've worked hard, I've also had much flexibility when it came to my work hours. It makes me wonder about the transition to working more structured hours.

While part of me is treasuring my quiet, sunlit filled workspace, there are times I do miss a busy work environment with people stopping by. These days, all my collaboration is done over the phone with all the incumbent joys of conference calls.

Regardless of where I sit, I love what I do. It fills me with passion and enthusiasm and makes each day challenging and entertaining.

I hope you love what you do, too.

Dr. Jessy vs. Dr. Uriarte

Dr. Jessy is what my parents call me.

When I graduate, I'll be the first of my family to get a doctorate degree. And I am lucky enough to have a big "cheer section" of friends and family who give me invaluable support and encouragement.

Their pet name for me is Dr. Jessy. (My grandmother actually calls me Dr. Tess-Wess)

I'm a bit superstitious about the title "Doctor". It is a privilege to be earned. I won't let my friends who have already graduated call me "Dr. Uriarte" because that person doesn't exist yet.

She won't exist until I'm wearing a floppy hat and "Harry Potter robes" at graduation, after which I'll forever be known to the world as Dr. Uriarte.

Floppy hat, hood and Harry Potter robe

Although, I hope my Jean-Jean will still call me Dr. Tess-Wess.

Colors of the Public Health Hood

Wearing My Identity On My Sleeve

One of the biggest challenges I've had as I...

• interview for new positions
• give presentations on my work and 
• generally meet people who will be hiring me for post-doctoral work

is figuring out "what to wear".

I sent this "options" photo to get the input of my friends

Worrying about this really pisses me off.

When I ask the question that all women should ask themselves when thinking about professional situations: 

The answer is quite clear: No

Any time that I spend worrying about this is time that my male competition is spending refining their skills and improving their situation. 

I was recently asked back for a second interview for an academic position that would be helpful in my career. I, of course, wore my only suit to the first interview. 

So for second interview, I spent the better part of 2 days

1. Finding a new suit
2. Contemplating what different blouses would "say about me"
3. Hunting down the blouse that "said the right thing"
4. Contemplating what jewelry would send the right message. 
5. Considering which heels were the least tortuous to stand in as I gave a 20 minute presentation 

If I were a man, I would find a suit and then only have to consider what color shirt and tie to wear. The end. 

Instead I thought long and hard about sending the right message with my clothes. I wanted to be powerful and feminine. I bought a black power suit and wore a teal, lace embroidered shirt underneath with a tasteful necklace. 

I struggle with playing by the "rules" of professional dress for women. 

I see suits as "man uniforms" that take away personality. On the other hand, they are the universal shortcut to appearing powerful. So for an interview, they really are the only option. I want to come across as my most powerful and confident self. 

But for daily office wear, I reject the idea that highly professional dress must be limited to the uniform that equalizes men. This is where women have an opportunity to STAND OUT in a sea of drab colors. 

Women at the highest level of politics stand out from male competition

I shouldn't have to give up my feminine identity to express power and confidence. 

I look forward to exploring new ways of dressing for my powerful AND feminine nature as I move into the next phases of my career.  

 

Being Amazing

In the past few months, I've done some amazing things.

Which is where my weight loss comes in.

Infertility, being rejected from an adoption agency, preparing for a home study, the adoption process itself, not to mention ups and downs at work and school and life all added up to a couple of years of stress. 

And when I'm stressed, I eat. 

To be fair, I eat when I'm not stressed. Food is, in my mind, one of the greatest joys of living. 

Mmm... food...

It's just that when I'm stressed, I eat regardless of whether I'm hungry. 

That's me on the right. 

So when the dust settled after an emotionally difficult season, I decided it was time to see what I would feel like if I only ate when I was hungry. 

At my heaviest, I was 160 pounds. Because I'm 5 foot 7 inches tall, this basically tipped me to the very age of a healthy weight. 

Thanksgiving 2013

Body Mass Index (BMI) is one measure of a healthy weight range. A BMI of 18.5 to 24.9 is considered to be healthy. 

At 160, my BMI was 25.1. Right over the edge into the "overweight" category. 

Date Night

Now there are flaws with the BMI system, including the fact that it does not account for muscle weight and that the cut off point for a "healthy weight" actually differs by race/ethnicity. 

Regardless of the limitations of this tool, there was really no reason for me to be in an overweight category. I didn't have pregnancy weight to loose nor did I have a medical condition like PCOS or thyroid disease. 

I just eat when I'm stressed. I also eat when I'm happy. And when I'm sad. And when I'm scared. You get the picture. 

Playing dress-up with my son

My goal was to be 147 pounds. I figured that's how much I will naturally weigh when I only eat if I'm hungry. It's a kind of arbitrary number but it's the one I set as a goal. 

So I started with what I knew worked for me. Thanksgiving day, I started using Weight Watchers Online to help me with portion control. Simply writing down what you eat, like in a food journal, can help you lose weight by making you aware of what you're eating. 

I didn't tell anyone I was starting, not even my husband. I didn't want to make a big deal about it. I started to lose weight. I was smugly proud that all through the holiday season, when others were getting more plump, I was slimming down. 

Sophisticated as always in Target

All was going well. In January, I was 152 pounds. Slow and steady weight loss is the only way to go. If you lose weight too quickly, you will likely put it right back on as soon as you change your habits. My goal was to lose a half pound a week. And it was really working. 

My son and I at my nephew's baptism

And then I unexpectedly changed jobs. Instead of working in an office with a regular routine, I was working from home. Which meant no one could see me eat. And if no one can see me eating two cheeseburgers, they don't count, right? (That's not really how it works.)

Eating crawfish with my aunt

I went back up to 156 pounds. I was stress eating again and feeling rebellious. 

Paddle boats with my son

My contract work from home started to become more predictable. In July, I started making a list of everything I need to do before graduation. I love lists. I was getting my organizational mojo back. I started tracking my food and losing weight again. 

Getting ready for a job interview

Trying on professional clothes

It's mid-August, and I'm at 149 pounds. 

A photo for "trying on" glasses online

No product in my hair, but lovely as always

For a number of reasons, my family has started a new diet that is grain free. (More on this later.) So I've stopped using weight watchers to track my points, and my new diet is basically fruits, veggies, meats and nuts. It's a little crazy, but it's helping my husband lose weight (tracking was never that helpful for him) and I'm enjoying the challenge of eating differently. 

I'm excited to see where this new diet will take me in terms of my overall health and my weight. 

I've already noticed that strangers and acquaintances treat me differently now that I'm thinner. Which is complete and utter nonsense. I was just as awesome at being amazing at 160 pounds as I am at 149.

I'm sure I'll fluctuate plenty in my life. No matter my weight, I hope I'm always able to convey confidence in my ability to be my amazing self. 

Good times